somewhere dark & distant
by ericales
Summary: Only in his nightmares did he see Umino's face.  WARNING: Post-rape trauma.


_O~kay. This fic._

_It's a reply to a kakairu_kink meme prompt, which asked for anonymity, rape, and forced orgasms. I'm sure the requester wanted really filthy porn, but I took one look at the prompt and thought: Holy psychological trauma, Batman!_

_The prompt is quoted in full at the end of the fic._

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><p>Umino Iruka's smile was pleasantly professional as he accepted Kakashi's mission report. Umino gave the scroll a cursory glance. Kakashi's report was impeccable; he had re-written it twice, putting as much care into each stroke of his pen as he did into the formation of a new jutsu.<p>

"Thank you for your hard work, Hatake-san," Umino said.

The collar of Umino's flak jacket shifted when he bent to deposit Kakashi's report in the tall filing cabinet behind him. The edge of a bite mark was barely visible over Umino's collar. Kakashi exhaled sharply through his nose. The mark was a dark red, messy, savage. It was healing badly, and was likely tender to the touch. Umino probably felt the damaged skin pull and stretch every time he moved his head.

Kakashi turned on his heel, and fled.

Umino's steady voice rang out behind him: "next, please."

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><p>That Kakashi knew he was dreaming offered him no comfort. Only in his nightmares did he see Umino's face. He was still and silent beneath Kakashi, but the fine trembling of his muscles betrayed his stoic exterior. Umino didn't fight until Kakashi reached for his soft cock. His lips peeled back to reveal bloody teeth. Kakashi was stronger, even with the drugs clouding his thoughts. Tears trembled at Umino's lashes, and he turned his face away from Kakashi.<p>

Kakashi woke soundlessly. His throat was hot with bile, and his hand was beneath the waistband of his sleeping pants, just brushing his half-hard cock. Kakashi didn't think. He reached for one of the senbon hidden in his headboard. His traitorous hand spasmed when the senbon pierced it. The jolt of pain brought Kakashi back to himself. There was nothing left in him for grace as Kakashi tumbled from his bed and ran towards the bathroom. He was heaving even before he folded to his knees, his hands white-knuckled around the toilet seat.

He left bloody handprints in the bathroom, both reminder and accusation.

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><p>Kakashi avoided the mission room. Umino's presence lingered, even when the man himself was not there. Kakashi grew restless inside his small apartment. The training grounds were too familiar, safe. Kakashi's own thoughts left him feeling raw and furious. He was breaking, and it was no more than he deserved.<p>

He passed Anko outside the Hokage Tower. Her eyes were unreadable, although she inclined her head in recognition. "Kakashi," she said. Anko shifted, as if to reach out towards Kakashi. Instead, she slid her hands into the pockets of her overcoat, and her eyes slid away from Kakashi's face.

Kakashi remembered how her voice had broke when she'd first seen Umino. "Oh, Iruka, what did they do to you?" Umino had folded into her, his face hidden by the collar of Anko's coat. Her hands had been very gentle against Umino's bruised back.

Kakashi tensed despite his best efforts. He wanted to run from her. He wanted to strike out at her, and to tear the knowledge of what he was from her. Kakashi forced his shoulders into a lazy curve, and extended two fingers in a casual wave. His heart was beating too fast. His wounded hand throbbed in time with each beat of his heart.

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><p>Tsunade had not been able to deny Kakashi his request, though she had clearly wanted to. Kakashi's skills were too useful to be wasted. He was recovered enough to kill and die for the good of Konoha, and that was more than enough.<p>

The enemy nin facing Kakashi were good. They were far from good enough. Kakashi tore through them, intellect giving way to instinct and rage. The forest grew quiet again. Kakashi's chest heaved. There was blood on his hands, soaking through his mask, on his tongue. He had been brutal, but the snarl of fury, guilt, and disgust had not eased. It had constricted, and Kakashi's chest felt too tight.

He tore off his mask, struggling to breath.

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><p>"Kakashi," Tsunade said, "this has to stop."<p>

Kakashi fixed his eye on a spot over Tsunade's shoulder. He had carried the scent of blood home with him, for all that he had washed before passing the village's gates. His chakra seethed around him. Kakashi did not say: "I don't know how to make this stop."

He did not say: "Help me."

Please.

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><p>They met by chance outside of Ichiraku. The friendly smile on Umino's face grew stilted, and faded slowly. He shifted his grip on his takeout bag, one hand hanging freely next to his thigh holster. Umino's face was pinched, but otherwise, he looked-normal.<p>

"How," Kakashi said, his voice low and rough, "can you act as if nothing happened?"

Umino's eyes flickered towards Kakashi's clenched fist. "What should I do, Hatake-san? Would you feel better if I locked myself in my apartment, and cried myself to sleep every night?" There was a bite to Umino's words that make Kakashi's anger flare hotter.

He leaned in close to Umino, searching for the glimmer of fear in his dark eyes. "A chuunin like you shouldn't have been sent on such a mission," Kakashi said. "If you hadn't been captured-"

"Unlike yourself, Hatake-san?" Umino interrupted. His calm facade broke, and Umino's expression twisted with anger and grief. "I'm not pretending that nothing happened. I'm trying to move on with my life-and I wish that you would do the same."

Umino released his hold on his bag seconds before Kakashi's open palms met his chest. Umino was propelled backwards. His breath escaped in a gasp when his back collided with the wall. There was a kunai in Umino's hand, the tip sharp and steady against Kakashi's neck. Kakashi's hands fisted against Umino's flak jacket. He pressed closer to the kunai Umino held, welcoming the familiar bite of the blade.

The anger drained from Umino. He looked weary: at once very young, and far too old for his years. "I'm sorry this happened to us, Hatake," Umino said. "I'm sorry that I don't know how to make things right again. I'm sorry."

Kakashi shook Umino, furious. "Shut up," he snarled. "I don't want your sympathy. I don't need it."

"I'm not the only one this happened to," Umino said. "Stop pretending."

Kakashi slammed Umino into the wall one final time before releasing him. Umino's face looked soft, blurred around the edges. Kakashi's eyes were both wet. He shuddered once, before Kakashi folded in on himself. His mouth twisted soundlessly beneath his mask, his breath wet and ragged.

By the time Kakashi's tears cleared, Umino was already gone.

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><p><em>This is the original prompt that inspired this story. Think of it as backstory.<em>

_"Kakashi gets captured on a mission striped and forced to fuck a guy both are blindfolded and the guy is gagged enough not to recognize his voice kakashi gives in to the feeling and fucks him mercilesly and in different positions both come a few times and in the end the take away the blindfolds, first Kakashi`s who is shocked and a while later Iruka`s"_


End file.
